Approaching Others: How comfortable are you in having difficult conversations?

[Listen at approximately 7:56]

👉🏼 Blame All – A real scattergun approach hoping the message will hit the right target. (I said it in front of them, so they should get the message.)

The "blame everyone" or "scattergun" approach is when someone avoids directly addressing a specific person and instead throws out a message in front of a whole group, hoping that the intended recipient will catch on. It's like trying to avoid a one-on-one confrontation.

For example, imagine someone saying, "Hey, I'm pretty sure gloves are mandatory in this area," when ten people are present, and only one person isn't wearing gloves. It feels like a shotgun blast of blame or finger-pointing, creating an awkward situation.

Instead of taking the direct approach and asking that person directly, "Hey, where are your gloves?" it becomes a roundabout way of addressing the issue.

👉🏼 Revert to Violence – Ranging from subtle manipulation to verbal attacks.

Hopefully, it doesn't come to that. But you know, when we talk about "reverting to violence," it can encompass various behaviours, ranging from subtle manipulation to verbal attacks.

• • Subtle manipulation might involve someone trying to indirectly influence you by saying things like, "Can't you see that over there? It would have been so much better for you."
  • On the other end of the spectrum, verbal attacks can involve swear words, rudeness, or intense criticism. Sometimes, people's body language becomes increasingly aggressive, signalling an escalation in the situation.

We may not always understand why people react that way or what they're going through at that moment. Nevertheless, resorting to violence is undoubtedly one of the worst approaches in such circumstances.

👉🏼 Act Like We Know Everything – Hoping people will believe our arguments.

Acting as if we know everything, hoping people will unquestioningly believe our arguments, is like declaring, "We don't need Google here because we have our sensor or gear cams."

The person asserting their knowledge believes their way is the only way to get things done, so we're all expected to stop what we're doing and undo our previous work. It reminds us of the notion of being addicted to being right. When we act like we know everything, it's often a façade to some extent, not truly representing our actual knowledge.

However, some individuals are genuinely hooked on being right, always wanting to argue with others until they conform to their way of doing things.

👉🏼 Power Player - Tit for Tat

I don’t care about what you have to say because you know I’m going to get you back, and it will be twice as bad.

👉🏼 Borrow Power – Manipulate by association (name-dropping), hoping this will motivate you to move your thinking.

"Borrowing power" in conversations involves using someone else's authority to enforce a point. It can backfire and harm relationships. People manipulate by dropping names, and claiming higher authority's directives, even if they're not present.

This tactic can be deceptive as the person in power may be unaware that their name is being used.

It relates to power plays and aims to persuade others to adopt a specific viewpoint. It undermines genuine conversation and focuses on getting others to conform. Ultimately, it boils down to wanting things done their way or disengaging from the discussion.